Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
