No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
