i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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