please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
