awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
