Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
