her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its liver damage thursday
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
