so that wasnt chicken after all
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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