can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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