so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
