sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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