His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
