is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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