Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize