sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
