i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize