Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize