Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
