Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this boner is exhausting
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
