I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize