Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
