HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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