i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
