i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
