i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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