Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
