So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
