i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
