If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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