I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm like, not good at living.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
