Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
