Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
