When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
