If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
