So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
