I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
