This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
