new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
