I got chris browned last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
