with your own penis?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize