If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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