It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
