I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
