I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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