You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
