shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
