she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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