if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
