I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
