Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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