Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
