i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We have started to decorate penises.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
