it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
