people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
