Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
