dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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