I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
