my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
