if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am puke
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize