What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
