who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize