I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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